Funk

Have you ever been in a funk and not know why. I am feeling like that now. I am sure it is the weight issue but not totally.

I think I am tired, my feet are constantly swollen with edema, I have not been the greatest on plan with WeWa and I just have that blah feeling.

Sometimes I get this way and it will last for only a few hours and sometimes for a couple of days. With my Psych background, I am very good at self diagnosing and most people tell me I am really good at assessing my issues. I guess I need to look at all the facts and come up with a reason. My first guess leads me to weight, the second is that I am a bit scared too.

I have been reading up on edema and it is not just all water retention. I guess I am a bit afraid to find out what it causing it. It could be my lack of WeWa motivation so I guess I should be Nazi on plan and see if it goes away. If not, then I guess I am calling the doctor.

Oh happy, happy, joy, joy.

Heat Wave

Okay, so people from California do not really know what HOT truely is but right now it is fucking HOT! I do not do well in the heat. That is one of the reasons we live in a beach city and only about two miles from the beach. I get very sweaty and my face turns bright tomato red even when I am not exeriting myself.

I have no idea how people live in hot states. I could never do it.

At least we have the pool. Shawn and I will be in it in about 1/2 hour or so and stay there for most of the afternoon. We plan on going to see Kung Fu Panda tonight in a nice air conditioned theatre. What could be better.

Anger Issues

I am wondering if I am having some anger issues. I have now been in two verbal confrontations in the last two days with perfect strangers. The first yesterday at the recycling center and then today in the Costco parking lot.

At the recycling center there was this lady to kept bitching at some guy who was using the manual machine but also had his stuff in line to have the attendant take care of. She kept complaining that he is not supposed to be doing that, etc... I finally told her to shut it. I was tired of hearing her bitch. She, of course, told me to mind my own business. I told her no, I had to hear her and I was tired of it. She kept bitching and I kept telling her to shut her piehole. She called me rude. I told her that rude was me telling her that she needed to go back to hell 'cuz her daddy was calling her. The whole situation really did have nothing to do with me but she so royally pissed me off with her whining.

Then today at the Costco parking lot, I was waiting for a parking spot and some guy tries to push his shopping cart between me and the curb and he hits my car with the cart. I expected some apology by a wave of the hand or something but, NO, he keeps walking. I get out of my car and yell, *Thanks for hitting my car and not apologizing. That is really classy.* He yells back, *Bitch.* So I yell to him, *Yes, I am a bitch and so is karma. Remember not apologizing when karma bites you in the ass.*

I am not sure why I have been so verbal lately. I think I am at a point when I am so tired of stupid people. I am tired of people who bitch just to bitch. I am tired of people who take no responsibility in their actions. I am just tired of people. Maybe I have just been on chubby chat for too long.

Sleep. Is it really that important?

Well if you read the magazines and Internet, it seems to be. The more sleep you get the better for your weight. Well, I guess that explains why I am fat. I do not sleep well.

Between animals that wake you up, roommates having sex, to obnoxious neighbors, to a husband that snores, to a child that cries or has bad dreams, to how warm or cold it is and my set internal body clock I do not think I have had a good night's sleep in decades.

I thought about seeing a sleep specialist but if I cannot sleep in the comfort of my own bed, how the fuck do I plan on sleeping in some room with things attached to my head, body or anything else touching me.

So I am destined to go to bed at 9pm, wake up every few hours, lay awake for a while, doze back to sleep and then get up about 5:15am to feed the cats. Well I guess it could be worse. I could never wake up at all.

So I will now blame my weight on lack of sleep and not the fact that I cannot shut my piehole. Cool.

Eight Years

That is how long John and I have been married. Our wedding anniversary was yesterday. How did we celebrate you ask? With a half pepperoni and half cheese pizza.

So I threw my points out the window with that and I had to start over again today but boy is Whatta Lotta Pizza good. I could eat that pizza almost every night.

So why did we not celebrate in style? One word, Shawn. I am sure we will celebrate it at some other time. We always do. We open Christmas presents with my parents around New Years. To us, it is no big deal. We made it through another year without killing each other or getting divorced. I am kidding. Well not completely.

We are thankful for each other and regardless if we celebrate our anniversary, which is only one day out of an entire year, we do love each other.

Back To Normal

So all is back to normal in our house. Shawn is his old 5-year old self again. All is normal but my eating. The last few days I have not been tracking my points like I should have. With Shawn being sick it threw me off and I have not recovered.

That is the problem I seem to run into. I have this all or nothing mentality and when I stop counting, I start eating. That is my cycle of yo-yo dieting and it needs to stop.

I stopped swimming for those few days and now I need to get back at it. I will leave work a bit early today to swim. That should make me feel better.

You give me fever

So Shawn had a fever between 100.8 and 101.8 for just about 3 days. I was getting worried as beside the one vomit episode, there was nothing else wrong with him. As a mom, not knowing why your kid is sick is very hard. I can deal with vomit, runny noses and coughs. The not knowing is the killer. Why is my baby sick?

Well today is the first day without fever. He is back to normal. Today is also the day I planned on calling the doctor if he did not improve. I am glad I did not have to make that call. I still wonder what his body was fighting and if it will come back but now I am grateful for normalcy.

Now hopefully I do not get sick.

Little Dude is Sick

So Shawn spends Tuesdays with my parents. They do all sorts of fun stuff. Yesterday started off fine, I dropped him off and went to work. I got a call a while later that Shawn wanted to talk to me.

He said his stomach hurt. I should know by now what that means but I just thought that he ate too much breakfast. He has also been acting a bit strange since my mom broke her foot. I did not give it too much credit but I should have.

I did stop over at lunch to see him. He cried that his stomach still hurt and he wanted to go home. Mom of the Year that I am I went back to work for a bit. I did come back to pick him up about 1 hour later. At that time I had the opportunity to watch him projectile vomit over my mom's off white carpet. Raspberry color no less.

After we got home, he just laid down with a fever and slept. He made it through the night without another puking incident and it seems that this morning he is generally back to normal.

I did find out that a couple of other kids at school have the same thing. I just hope he a better by tomorrow and at the latest Friday as he had his graduation luau that night.

Bodily mishaps

I burp. I fart. That is me. My body works like it is supposed to. I do not understand women who would rather die than make body noises in front of their significant other.

Was I one of those women before? Well yes, but I learned it is a natural thing to do. Do I do it at my parent's house. Sometimes. Do I do it in public? I try not to but sometimes something might slip. I do not walk up to someone, shake their hand and then fart or burp. I might excuse myself and walk to a deserted corner of a room or outside. I do not do it for reaction. I do it because if I do not, the build up can become so intense, I can become doubled over in pain that I can compare to child birth. When given the choice between pain or passing, I choose to pass.

I enjoy and eat a lot gassy foods. I prefer to drink with a straw which increases my air intake when I drink. I will not change to suit what society deems as socially inappropriate.

Who made this such a bad thing anyway. Burping is some countries is a sign of a good meal. Even farting is not made such a big deal in some countries. Why is it more acceptable for a man to do these things but it is not alright for a woman?

Well maybe one day, society will decide that these are bodily functions that help the body and I hope it is soon. Shawn takes after me. Poor kid.

Goodbye Maxie Girl

On Friday, June 6, 2008 at about 11:00am, our Maxie flew up to the heavens to fly with the angels. She had a very large tumor on the side of her face that eventually caused her to not be able to eat. She was basically starving to death and had lost almost 3-4 pounds over what her normal weight was. John and I, after taking her to the vet, decided that in order to save her pain, sadness and leave this world with dignity that she needed to be put down. She was 14 years old and lived a very full life and it was time for her to be pain free and happy again.

That was one of the hardest things we have ever done and as I write this I still find my emotions to be very raw. We knew before we took her to the vet that day and we would probably not be taking her home and I pretty much have been crying off and on since the day before. John has been really torn up as this was his baby girl that he has had since she was 6 weeks old. It is harder for him to express his emotions but you can see in his eyes that he is really hurting. I never saw my husband cry until this.

Telling Shawn proved easier then I thought. He did not believe us at first, he cried for about 30 seconds and then asked if we were still going to Chuck E Cheese. He has since talked to John about it and asked if she had really died. I think he is just grieving in his own way and I am not sure he fully grasps the whole concept yet. It may hit him later or not at all. I do know for sure that he did love her and will miss his Stinky Drool Face.

Our poor cat Tubby, who is her biological brother, sure misses her. He walks around the house lost. Bubba just does what he does best, sleep. I am worried about Tubby but I think he just needs some extra love.

I will be changing my blog name as it is a constant reminder that I no longer have three weasels in cat suits but only two now.

To my Maxie girlfriend, I will miss you so much little girl. You may have drove me crazy sometimes and you may have acted like a cranky old lady, but you were one of the sweetest little kitties I knew and I will always love my Maxie Girlfriend. Run and play for eternity as that is what I know you are doing right now. I love you.

I once was a fish

Since my bitchslap of love from Shawn the other night, I have made a resolution to exercise. Without it, my eating right will have no meaning. So my exercise of choice...Swimming.

I believe I once was a fish. I love swimming and the water. I can be in a pool for hours. I love the feel of the water against my skin when I am swimming across the pool. Maybe being heavy all my life has also helped my love for water. Not because I enjoy slipping into a swim suit but because I do not feel heavy in the water. I am almost weightless and my body loves that feeling. The final couple of weeks of my pregnancy was spent in my parents lukewarm jacuzzi. It felt so good to get the extra weight off my back and legs.

I swam at our community pool the last 3 days between 20-30 minutes. I am doing laps and resistance training for my arms and legs. When I feel like I cannot swim another lap, I am pushing myself and not giving up. My goal is to try to work up to 1 hour (1/2 with laps and 1/2 with resistance). I plan on taking today off and staring again tomorrow.

Luckily, Shawn loves the pool as well. He is in pre-competative swim so we can race each other on the weekends. I just have to make sure I have enough alone time to workout as he would rather play.

Poor Nana

My mom broke her foot last Thursday. She went to preschool to pick up Shawn and fell into a hole. Actually, one of Shawn's friends called to her, she turned around and took a step backwards. Down she went. She will be out of commission for 4-8 weeks.

My mom cannot catch a break. She is a walking pharmacy. She has RLS (Restless Let Syndrome), Fibermyalgia, and I have no clue what other ailments. She just got fully recovered from shingles. What else needs to happen to her? She is a wonderful woman who does not deserve to be sick or hurt all the time. I know it is not all the time but sometimes it feels like it and it sucks.

I am overly protective of two people in my life, Shawn and my mom. I would do anything for them. I just wish she would have a time of pain and drug free living.