The Social Networking Phenomenon

So having joined Facebook and getting to find friends I have not spoken with in years, I am asking myself, how did I lose touch with some of my old friends. Did our friendships mean so little to me or to them to not keep in touch? Where we even that good of friends to begin with? I also looked at my old yearbook and read some of the comments that were left for me. I was sweet, let's get together during the summer and keep in touch. Keep in touch. There is that phrase again.

Was it my fault that we never kept in touch or was it theirs? At this point, does it really matter? To me it does. I really looked at why I stopping communicating with my friends and I came to a startling conclusion. I became involved with a guy. Well I guess, I should rephrase that. I became all consumed with the guy and his friends and his lifestyle that I simply forgot everyone around me prior to the boyfriend. I have a hard time juggling multiple people in my life. I do great with one and even okay with two but even my marriage suffered at times when I could not juggle John and Shawn but I managed to pull that together. Anything over three, I just cannot seem manage.

I feel so torn about who I should be spending time with. If I want to go out with a friend, I feel guilty for leaving Shawn and John. If I stay home, I am ignoring a friend. I feel like I cannot resolve feeling conflicted. So, I stay home with the most important people in my life and lose friends. That is the choice I make and I have to live with that.

So getting back to why I stopped *keeping in touch.* I guess that is what happened. I stopped trying to juggle the people in my life and chose one or two. Well seeing that I am not with any of my past boyfriends, did I make the right decision? Most likely not but I have to live with the choices I made. I guess in some ways, having joined facebook gives me the opportunity to get back in touch with the people who did mean something to me at certain times of my life and see if we still can connect as friends. There are some friends I cannot find and some who are no longer with us but I am trying to remake connections because I think it is important for me to at least apologize for not keeping in touch.