Curiosity

Okay, so maybe I am opening a can of worms with the next post but I feel I need to write this down.

A couple of years ago, John and I were going through a very rough patch in our marriage. There were issues with us involving my ability to let John parent, intimacy issues and John feeling like a third wheel with Shawn and I.

John did not have many friends around to talk to at that time, so he confided in a friend who was female via email. I had no knowledge of this *relationship* that he was building although I do know this person. She had been to our house with other friends and at one point worked with John. I used to send her Christmas cards. She used to be really heavy but had gastric bypass and now was thin, so she had a perspective on the weight issues. She was also outgoing and adventurous in MANY aspects of her life. She was also safe for him to talk to.

How I found out about his confiding in her via email was that I went on our computer one day, opened Yahoo and his account was still open. This was an email account I did not even no existed. So I looked. I am not proud of my snooping but my curious nature may have actually saved our marriage. I forwarded all the emails to my email account to look at later as I was in too much shock to read most of them.

I saw email after email of him and her talking about Shawn, my weight issues, our sex life or lack there of. It was all put out there. I have to say if an outsider viewed the conversations, they would say she really was trying to help him and there was nothing going on with them but to me I did not see that. What I saw was my husband having intimate conversations with another woman. Granted most of the emails were about me and talking about my issues and issues John and I were having but at first I did not quite see it that way. The emails were a couple of months old but flipped out.

I confronted him about the emails and he and I really started to talk. For the first time in months, he and I really talked about what was going on in our marriage. I told him my feelings about what he was telling her. That he was telling her things that were so intimate and having an intimate relationship with her that he was not having with me and that is how affairs get started. I guess the hardest part in all of this for me is that another woman knew every intimate detail about our sex life or lack thereof. She even knew when I was having my period.

I know he was just seeking help in trying to find a way to repair the damage in our marriage but it took me a long time to get over this and there are times when I think of it and feel scared and sad. I believe if I had not found those emails we most likely we would still not be together. That was a big wake up call for me and since then our marriage has had some bumps but nothing like it was before. I did keep the emails and I am not sure why. I did reread them every now and then. Again not sure why but maybe just to keep as a reminder of what happened. Maybe to punish myself when I was feeling down about myself. I can say it took me almost two years to delete the emails but I finally did it. I had to let go of the past and move on look towards the future.

So what happened to the *other* woman? They stopped communicating. He thinks he sent her an email saying that things were better but she never replied back. Maybe she was starting to have feelings towards him.

So why bring this up now? Facebook. I looked for her and found her. She still looks good and has not put back on any of the weight. She is also still single. I hope she finds someone someday but it better not be my man because she cannot have him. He is my husband and I love him very much.