Chicken Little

I would have never known that after watching Chicken Little for the first time with Shawn that I would be crying. Last night that did happen. I got a dose of reality, a slap in the face of pure honesty. Shawn was laughing at the part were the pig and whatever the hell that other animal was singing karaoke to the Spice Girls. He is laughing and dancing and tells me the pig reminds him of me. Why I ask. Because he is fat.

Those 4 words lit me like lightning. OMFG, my child knows I am fat. It was not said to be malicious, it was not said to hurt my feelings. It was said in honesty in a fun moment for him. I started crying. Shawn did not even know that I was for a while. He asked what was wrong and I did not tell him. I said nothing. I did not know what to say.

John walked up a few minutes later and asked if he heard what he thought he did. Looking at my tear stained face he knew the answer already. He wanted to take Shawn aside and to talk to him but I said no. I did not want to make a big deal of it. The damage was done already. But should I really call it damage? After soul searching, the answer is no.

What happened to me last night was maybe the kick in the butt I needed to keep on program. To make those changes I need. This happened on the same day that I got a health screening. Was that coincidence, maybe not.

My health screening is not complete but I am in poor shape. My blood pressure is high. I have NEVER had high blood pressure before. Even when pregnant. The doctor is also very concerned about the edema in my legs and feet. It is really bad. It had never been this bad before. My weight according to their scale is only 265 but my body fat is 46% and BMI is 40. So my scale is off by about 5 lbs or so.

46%. 46%. That number ran through my head. OMG, 46%. I go back in next Wednesday for a post test consultation. I will see what they say. They most likely will take blood. He wants to put me on a detox and cleanse. What that entails I have know I idea yet. He even said he was not a big fan of WeWa (Weight Watchers) as it truly does not teach you how to eat pure healthy foods. As long as you stay in your points, you can still eat processed nasty crap. I need to eat good food to get healthy. He also says that I need to get healthy before losing weight. Once I get healthy, losing the weight will become easier.

So I am scared for my health. What else will they find? So Shawn's comments on top of that really got me. I have never been this concerned before.

So what I am going to do about it? I am going to attempt this weekend to stay away from processed foods. To stay away from sweets. To drink all my water. To get in a nice walk. To eat mainly veggies, fruits and pure proteins. To stay away from sodium. Let me see if I can being my blood pressure down a bit and see if the edema gets better.

Shawn knows I am fat. I know I am fat. Let me see if Shawn can eventually see a healthy skinnier mommy.

My baby is no longer a baby

My baby is graduating from preschool. They are not having a traditional ceremony but a potluck luau for family and friends. I did convince them to do a traditional cap and gown picture.

Holy crap, that is my 5-year old. He looks so grown up. What happened to my baby. It seems like only yesterday I gave birth. Where did the time go? In just about 4 months he will be going to Kindergarden. He will be learning new things and meeting new people. He will be meeting girls. I am so in trouble when these girls figure out our phone number.

Help Me Obi-Wan Kenobi

You're my only hope...

So this blog is not only about my weight loss but also about my life. You will learn more about me then you probably want to know, but hey, that is what blogs are all about.

My husband, John, is a Star Wars fanatic. When I say fanatic, that is putting it lightly. He has more Star Wars toys then I can count and continuously buys more. My wonderful son, Shawn, is now just as obsessed. It is not only toys, but the movies and video games too. Now you have to remember that John is 35 and Shawn is only 5.

Yes, Shawn has seen all six Star Wars movies. I know, what was I thinking letting a 4-5 year old watch those. Bad mommy, bad mommy. He is now obsessed with playing the Game Cube Star Wars Lego game - *One more level mommy, only one more level, please.* This at 9pm at night. What is a mom to do? Say No! Not always a pretty sight when I say no, but it must be done.

For toys, my house currently looks Toys-R-Us threw up Star Wars. Legos, figures, sets of figures and vehicles so big, they do not fit on shelves. They came from Target, Wal-mart, Ebay. I am being pushed out of my house by Star Wars.

If I could just force push everything Star Wars out of my life my house would be empty. I would also most likely get fined for littering as well. If it is a fine for every piece of litter, then I would be selling my house to pay the fine. So not worth it. Then I would still be left with a pile of Star Wars toys and no place to keep it.

So what do I do with it all? I live with it. I live with stepping on Lego pieces and puttng them back together when Shawn breaks it apart. I live with the buckets and buckets of figures he has. I live with the fact that in July, new toys come out (a fact my husband told me the other night).

The only other option...I wonder how many points that Han Solo figure would be?

Recommitted

Now is that recommitted to Weight Watchers or the local mental facility? Sometimes it feels like both.

I have been fat most of my life. Maybe not morbidly obese like I am now but I have usually had a few pounds to lose. There was one point when I weighed 145 and I was thin but not completely healthy skinny.

I have made the decision to recommit to WeWa again. How many times is this? Hell, I have no idea but hopefully this will be the last. I guess I need to figure out how to go about doing this again. Every time I quit, I gain more weight back. I am at the heaviest I have ever been at 270. That number is scary. 30 lbs away from 300. If I pick up my DS and walk, I am walking with almost 325 lbs. No wonder why I feel like dying.

I guess in a way, I am slowly dying. I am killing myself with food. How close am I to a heart attack, stroke or any other disease? I need to put down the fast food and pick up more fruit and veggies. I need to stop going through the drive through and start cooking more healthy dinners.

I need to recommit to recommitting. I need to take the first step and hopefully this blog will help. It will be my sounding board, my truth. Words to help me understand that I need to do this for not only me but for my family.